I thought we had passed this phase of Dbanj’s career? Sizing up his phallus, suggesting s3xual machismo, endorsing chauvinism and being a general nuisance?
For all of his self-proclaimed virtues, we now know Dbanj is incapable of making another hit song. It’s like losing your wife and realising all those years of “great sex” was untrue, because the minute she left and you hooked up with another woman, she tells you- without the advantage of love- that your skills are lame.
Dbanj has struggled. Oh dear! Every song- and you can see that he lost sleep, sweated blood, outdid himself and upped his braggadocio, STILL a hit track has eluded him like sanity eludes the streets of Lagos.
Let it go, KOKO master. That thing, unfortunately, is limp.
Fortunately, there’s more to his brand than music. Leave Olamide to thrill Lagos fans even without opening his mouth, it is his time. You, Dbanj, lost it when you lost it.
It is time to reinvent the enigma that you are.
You are Dbanj. For whatever reason, you will continue to be relevant for as long as you realise music is not where it is going to happen. See what these small-small boyz are doing to King MI, for instance, messing up his palace with graffiti having more punch than his best lines.
It is hard out here, bro. So take advantage of what you have:
You have the looks (at least women like what they see), you have charisma, you have good style, you know some of the biggest names from oil to corporate Nigeria to politics, you have dated their daughters. You have a standing and clout in social crowds.
Dear Dbanj, it is time to reinvent you. Enough of these idiotic dance steps.
It is time to become a media mogul, forget one-one kobo songs, leave it to the talented. Focus on your Koko phones, Koko garri, Koko pure water- exporter/importer tinz.
Get into fashion, get a Mai Atafo to build a fashion label around your brand and get that friend of yours- Kanye West to wear one of your samples. Then send another one to that other dude that keeps sending you gifts from France. Send another to Big Sean. Use your networks well.
What else? Start a proper music business. Get two hot artistes and invest in their music. Let them sing what you left inside Don Jazzy’s mouth. Be the boss.
Dbanj, it is time to be the Bawse! This has been true for P.Diddy (aka Sean Puffy Combs)
Can Diddy sing? No!
Can he rap? Hell NO!
Is he richer than many Americans and their unborn kids? YES! YES!! YES!!!
I might not be a fan, but I liked your shoes at your first MTV Award event some years back. That should count for something.
So here’s wishing all the best.
And hopefully, we do not see you in this state of hopelessness, hoping to woo the crowd by all means ever again.
Joy Isi Bewaji
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