A Blog Reader Says: "I Have No Choice But To Cheat On My Wife"

Dear Gbe-olabo, I read your piece -'Are All Men Cheats?' Let me respond to your question by sharing my story.

I have been married for three years to a woman I dated for two years. While we were courting, she refused to have sex. She told me she was a virgin and insisted we wait until we were married. I wasn't too happy about this but I was so in love, I obliged. More so, I had never dis-virgined a woman before so the wait was quite intriguing.

On our wedding night, she denied me sex. Her excuse was that she was really tired from all the dancing and wedding stress. I let her be. I got the same excuse for the next one month after our wedding.

Each time I try to sleep with her, she either starts crying or pretends to be sick. This went on for three months. When I couldn't take it any more, I had to bring it to her family's attention.

Will you believe that by our first wedding anniversary, my wife and I had not been intimate. She opened up and said she was scared to have sex. With me her husband?

I became very unhappy and sexually frustrated in my marriage. I had to find someone to ease my sexual tension- do you blame me? I never wanted to be unfaithful in my marriage, I love my wife dearly and despite my indiscretions, I respect her a great deal.

Last year her elder sister who's a doctor came up with the suggestion of surgically removing her hymen. She said this could psychologically get rid of her fear of sex. She had the surgery early last year. It was successful but even after full recovery, my wife still wouldn't oblige me sex. This is my wife o, not my girlfriend. I became so angry I told her and her family not to be surprised if I have a child out of wedlock.

Again her sister suggested the use of an injection which would make her drowsy and not fully aware of what is happening around her. By this time I was desperate and willing to try anything. Irrespective of what she's put me through, I still love her. So I decided to give it a shot.

For the last three months, her sister comes to inject her with the drug once a month and we have sex while she is semi-unconscious. It’s the weirdest thing I've ever done. It’s almost like making love to a corpse. Her sister waits in the living room to check her vitals (blood pressure and pulse) after I am done. Twice I could actually get it up but the last time which was few days ago, I just couldn't, it’s absurd, how can I be making love to a woman who can't kiss or hold me-she's not even aware of what I'm doing at the time. The both times I actually did it, I found myself rushing so as not to keep her sister waiting for too long. It's just crazy.

I'm not trying to justify my cheating, but if I was your brother or your friend, would you honestly blame me? What would you advise me to do? I really don't want to have children out of wedlock, but with the way things are going, it’s looking like my only option. I've sought advice from few friends and they all keep telling me to pray. Her father is a Superintendent in one of the top churches in Nigeria so they have all been praying and fasting, she has even gone for deliverance. I haven’t told my family about this crisis because I know my mother will throw her out of the house sharply.

Ladies, not all men are cheats but then not all men who cheat actually planned on cheating. Some are just victims of their circumstances- like me.

**Hmmm.....this one take style pass me oh!
Dear blog reader, I empathise with you. What you are going through can't be easy especially for a man.
It seems to me that your wife may not have been totally honest with you about her Genophobia (fear of sexual intercourse). There has to be more to her story- was she sexually abused as a child? or did something else happen in her past that triggered her Genophobia? 
I know it's been three years and your frustration and impatience are totally understable, but I think you should have a quiet heart to heart talk with her without trying to sleep with her and see how it goes. All the best!